Getting Freaky

freak - [freek] - noun Slang.
..>
a.
a person who has withdrawn from normal, rational behavior and activities to pursue one interest or obsession: a drug freak. ..>
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b.
a devoted fan or follower; enthusiast: a baseball freak. ..>
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c.
a hippie..>

It occured to me one day that I really don't know what a freak is anymore. Nowadays it seems that everyone is a freak and proud of it. That's a long way from the 60's when a freak was something to watch out for and shoot on first sight. "Damn hippie freaks!"

Because I am somewhat confused at today's definition of a freak, I thought I'd take it for a test spin at a party. What better place to define today's freak than with a bunch of drunks. The way I see it, it's pretty important to know that if someone calls me a freak, I should know how to properly react: compliment? blush and say "Gee thanks. I've really worked hard at my freakiness" or insult? "you muthahscratcher, get your freaky fingers outa my freaky face or I'll freaky-deaky on your sorry freak face"

The consensus is that there are 3 main categories of freaks: public with their freakiness, private freaky and in the closet wanna-be's who are scared to live up to their freaky tendencies. Generally the freak was stereotyped (sorry if I insult any of you freaks out there) as an eccentric, extreme weirdo who is so completely out there and non-conforming that it borders on psychotic. The public freaks are generally proud of it and can be anything from geniuses (music, religion, science....Marilyn Manson or Albert Einstein anyone?) to rednecks to sports addicts to gear heads. These are the guys who step up to the plate and scream, "yeah baby, I'm a freak, what about you? wanna get freaky?"

The private freaks are the most interesting to explore. I always thought it was the quiet ones that are the most dangerous, or in this case, freaky. But my mind was quickly convinced otherwise. After a couple mojitos, that were freaky in their own right with just enough simple sugar to make your toes curl and voice soprano, our group decided, in our wisdom of the found moment, that the private freaks were a bit of a waste since they weren't particularly productive with their freakiness. What the good is being a freak if you don't do anything with it?

In-the-closet freaks are the most difficult to detect. Because they are scared of their secret freaky powers, many times these folks are left untapped except by the brave. Be prepared to have the freakiness spring on you at any given point in time, coming out of absolutely nowhere. My gut is that when that levvy breaks, holy shit, run for the hills.

Unanswered questions: Is there such a thing as a "good freak?" Just because a person is extreme by nature, is that person a freak? What if someone says "are you a freak?" What do they mean by that? And how do you answer that question honestly?

So we never got to the end of the question of establishing today's freak as a baseline. But I am convinced that was only round one to get the old wheels turning. The next party will expose the true freak of today. How exciting.

Created: Febraury 26, 2007

Swinging Convention and Passion

'Tis the season for weddings. There are 3 separate girlfriends of mine who became engaged over the Christmas holidays. None of them are getting married for the first time, it's a second for 2 of the girls and a third for the third. So now all of the bachelorette planning comes into play.

One bride-to-be has correctly, in my humble opinion, declined all bachelorette festivities citing that she was married once before so it would be cheating to have another. The other I haven't really heard from and the 3rd bride-to-be, well, I'm in charge of celebrating the 3rd end of her bachelorette status.

The agenda is quite simple since the age range is from 23 to 50 years old. A raunchy night at Tony's Bourbon St. ought to make us all celebrate and entertain the thought of settling down a bit. In order to get the girls in the mood we have a nice young lady from Passion Parties to provide a nice sampling of the latest sex toys, gadgets, lotions, potions, tricks and tools. Apparently there are games involved and "demos" which ought to be quite interesting and worth the time and a vodka tonic or 3.

The most interesting thing about speaking with this young lady to firm up the arrangements was that she makes a living from selling this stuff. It just makes me wonder how many untapped customers are out there and how much money is there to be made? In our conversation she mentioned that this past weekend she was heading to Myrtle to attend the Swingers Convention where she'll have a booth. Business is undoubtedly awesome in that venue.

But it got me thinking....what the hell is a Swingers Convention? OK I get the idea of couples coming together to swing....but do you need a special convention for that? When I think of conventions I think of seminars, panels, shows, exhibits, etc. What would be the seminar titles? "How to recruit reluctant couples" "How to throw a great swinging party" "The difference between swingers and orgies".....and who are the expert speakers? So many questions left unanswered.....And what would the other booths exhibit? clothing for the experienced swinger? vacation destinations perhaps? maybe a match.com type of arrangement for swingers properly entitled swingers.com? Enquiring minds would like to know.

Now I am very, very, very curious. Must remember to ask the fine young lady from Passion Parties after she demos the proper use of anal beads. Now that I think of it, maybe I'll ask her before that particular demo.

Created: March 5, 2007

The NC State Fair - a study in eating habits

God love the State Fair. Ahhhhh, the time of the year when the word "diet" doesn't exist and bulimics rejoice. The time of the year when the deep fryer has an innate ability to link all socio-economic groups together in a common lard-based bond. Time to whip out your finest XXXXXXL t-shirt sporting "Born to be Wide" and wear it with pride. It is amazing what can go into the deep fryer these days. It's worth exploring because apparently state fair workers believe if they are stranded on a deserted island, they'd require a couple items: Deep fryer, oil, powdered sugar and a paper plate. That's just about the starting point for all of the following delicacies:

Fried Coca-Cola:
seriously, frying your drink? In Atlanta you get shot for them fightin' words. That's probably why they haven't done a deep fried Dr. Pepper. They'd open a fresh can of whup ass on you in Texas.

Fried peanut butter and jelly:
just about stuck my tongue to the roof of my mouth like tar on the back of a heel. If it weren't for the emergency bottle of water nearby my tongue would have blocked all air from my peanut butter laden mouth. Jelly, what the hell? carmelized into nothing.

Fried twinkie:
one word-fuckinyummyandithinkimhighasafrigginkitefromtheimmediatesugarhigh

Fried Wisconsin cheddar:
still dreaming of that stringing orange taste, especially when dipped into a tasty jalapeno hot treat. yowza

Fried pickles, green tomatoes, cheesecake and candybars....will have to wait until next year's food adventure. Don't get me started on the rides though.....they probably wouldn't let me in the Optimist Club for saying this, but do you really trust getting spun in quadruple circles in 5 different directions by a machine that is rolled in, parked, plugged into an electrical outlet and controlled by a big guy with shifty eyes grumbling "let 'er rip"?

Man I love living in the South. Good clean, greasy fun. 'Njoyed it y'all

Dated: October 22, 2007